i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
