At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
