please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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