so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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