I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
