1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I want a musical about memes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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