I cannot find my penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
