Say something about gay babies.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
