my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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