ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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