Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
