I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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