I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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