Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize