What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
