I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
