in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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