Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
