And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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