Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
