8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
