fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
