You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize