Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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