I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
