I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is her dick bigger than yours?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
