so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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