So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
