Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize