I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
