So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize