would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what day is it and did you see me today?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
