Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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