dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His hands were made for my vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
