I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When did angry sex become our thing?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
