i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
