ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
