quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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