dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
