ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
