Just fell off a train. Bad.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
