If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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