hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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