The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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