loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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