Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
