they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
