you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
