East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
