look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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