My first STD was from a foam party
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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