drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
