He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
