You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
