My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
