Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
