wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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