just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
