On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
