Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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