You can't special order awesome
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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