his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
